


Fault

by lullabelle_moon



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Based on a Tumblr Post, Confessions, Guilt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 16:28:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4632138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lullabelle_moon/pseuds/lullabelle_moon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>based on a tumblr post: Aaron is feeling guilty for the helicopter crash and Robert needs to set him straight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fault

He found Aaron at the side of the road. People had been looking for him for hours; when he hadn't come home they just assumed he'd met someone- even Robert felt a twinge of jealousy when he heard, but when morning turned to afternoon and Aaron still wasn't answering his phone they'd started to panic. When the next morning came and he was yet to come home panic turned to fear and people were out looking; Robert was with them, terrified that he had lost Aaron before he could make amends. He had driven out alone- knowing that if Aaron was having a moment that he wouldn't want everyone crowding him. He wasn't even sure that Aaron would speak to him let alone anyone else. After searching everywhere he could think of he sat in his car and thought about where Aaron could be; the memory of the road where they'd shared their first kiss and where he'd admitted about Katie came to mind. He drove quickly and found him next to his car; sitting on the ground with his head in his hands. He stopped the car and climbed out,  
"Aaron?"  
When the man didn't look up he walked over,  
"Aaron?"  
It was only when he came closer that he realised the man was shaking; Robert felt his chest clench painfully and knelt down,  
"Aaron? Can you hear me?"  
Aaron shook his head and covered his eyes with the heels of his hands,  
"What do you want?"  
Robert reached out to touch him then changed his mind, using his hand to push through his own hair instead,  
"Everyone's looking for you mate. Where've you been?"  
Aaron sighed and dropped his hands,  
"Does it matter?"  
Robert looked at him,  
"Hey? You okay?"  
Aaron met his eye,  
"Why are you here?"  
Robert cocked his head,  
"No one knows where you are. They're panicking. Worried you're...just tell me you're okay?"  
Aaron sighed,  
"I haven't come out here to top myself if that's what you're thinking. I just needed a break. Away from people."  
Robert looked around,  
"Okay, why? You and Chas have a fight of something?"  
Aaron rubbed his face,  
"I just couldn't take it anymore. They're all so...goddamn nice and I don't...deserve it."  
Robert frowned,  
"What're you talking about?"  
Aaron looked at him and clambered to his feet,  
"Leave me alone."  
Robert frowned and climbed to his feet,  
"Aaron wait."  
He grabbed Aaron's arm and was pushed away,  
"GET OFF ME."  
Robert grabbed him again,  
"Aaron stop. Stop. What are you talking about?"  
Aaron shook his head as more tears fell from his tired eyes,  
"It's my fault."  
He wiped his eyes and shrugged,  
"It's all my fault."  
Robert grabbed his shoulders,  
"Aaron...what are-"  
"The crash. Robert. It's all my fault and I can't take it back...I can't erase it."  
Robert shook his head,  
"How is any of this your fault?"  
Aaron looked at him then grabbed his shirt and pushed him back,  
"If I hadn't slept with you it wouldn't have happened. Katie would still be here. Ruby and Val would still be here."  
Robert pushed him away,  
"You're taking the blame on this as well? Anything else you wanna take? Wanna be the one who ran that old lady down last month? Wanna take the blame for Bob committing fraud? None of it is your fault!"  
"IF I HADNT DONE IT THEN CHRISSIE WOULDN'T HAVE BURNED YOUR CAR."  
"BULLSHIT."  
He grabbed Aaron's head and held him in place; the knowledge that Aaron was blaming himself was causing him to panic. He'd seen first-hand what guilt did to Aaron and he had to stop it before it spiralled out of control,  
"Aaron you need to listen to me. Listen to me."  
He made Aaron meet his eye,  
"You want someone to blame? Blame me."  
Aaron pushed against him and Robert tightened his grip,  
"I'M the one that followed you, I'M the one that chased you and slept with you. ME. You called it off so many times and I kept coming back. I married her while sleeping with you. I did it."  
Aaron tried to push him away; finding he couldn't he choked out the words,  
"I feel...so guilty."  
He pushed Roberts chest before giving up and gripped the man’s wrists as they held his head,  
"Aaron none of this is your fault."  
"Yes...it is."  
Robert let go of him and turned around; pinching the bridge of his nose and taking a breath before looking back at him,  
"It's your fault that I went after you? Huh? It's your fault that I lost my temper and I pushed Katie? It's your fault that I did the same to Paddy? Is that what you think?"  
Aaron winced at the words and looked away. Robert stared at him,  
"You're an idiot. How the fuck is it your fault that CHRISSIE burned MY car? Huh? How? Tell me Aaron. Tell me."  
He grabbed Aaron again,  
"Tell me. Come on, you're full of guilt so why? Why is it your fault? TELL ME."  
Aaron pushed him back,  
"BECAUSE I STILL LOVE YOU, OKAY?"  
Robert started and let go of him. Aaron looked at him and shrugged,  
"Despite everything I still love you, and that's why it's my fault. Because if I hadn't fallen for you I coulda walked away and no one would be hurt."  
Robert looked at him,  
"Chrissie did what she did because she wanted me to suffer. Because she knows I love you and not her. She wanted me to feel what I made her feel. Me. What happened was...a freak accident. No one could've predicted that. Christ Aaron...this is not your fault and I am not gonna stand here and let you suffer for something that you had nothing to do with."  
Aaron shook his head before pounding his own chest,  
"I can't stop this thing inside me. This weight on my chest because those people died."  
Tears started to fall down his cheeks and Robert felt sick,  
"I want to hate you and walk away and I can't. I can't and it's killing me."  
He gasped slightly and pointed at his head,  
"It's in there all the time, I know that if I’d just kept my mouth shut instead of trying to punish you then none of this would've happened. I did this. Your Aunt died because of ME."  
He turned away and grasped his head,  
"FUCK."  
Robert started again; the shout in the quiet road sounding more like a gunshot than a word. Aaron turned slowly and wiped the tears from his cheeks,  
"You don't get it. You can't. You should hate me for this, not love me. Not when I've done something this bad."  
Robert ran over to him and grabbed him; pulling him in and hugging him,  
"This isn't your fault. This wasn't you."  
Aaron didn't fight it; he gripped Roberts jacket and gave into the sobs as the man shushed him and rubbed his back,  
"This...was not you. It was me. It was all me. A-and I can't let you hurt because of it. I love you too much."  
Aaron loosened his grip and pulled away,  
"You're a liar."  
Robert shook his head,  
"Aaron you need to stop, you need to understand that nothing that's happened is down to you."  
Aaron sniffed and looked away. His chin wobbled and he looked up at Robert,  
"Make it go away."  
Robert wrapped his arms around Aaron's neck and held him;  
"It's okay...you're gonna be okay. I promise."  
Aaron held him tightly and closed his eyes; desperate to believe everything Robert was saying.


End file.
